For Valentine’s Day, I planned on writing about how self-love is at the root of our ability to love anyone – or anything – deeply in this world. And how self-care is the best gift we could give ourselves this February 14. But at this moment, I hadn’t planned on being in a fog-thick place of waiting in my life.
I’m waiting… for an initiative I’m really hoping for to come to fruition.
This waiting… has left me crossing my fingers, toes and eyes most of the time. Checking my phone far too often.
And all this waiting… has me feeling quite “pissy” for lack of a better word, and reluctant to talk about self-love or self-care.
Because waiting… sucks.
And so does letting go of a plan.
The line above makes me laugh. Without meaning to, I’ve turned into such a ‘planner’ over the years. That’s what happens in Communications and Marketing roles when you experience the true meaning of “the devil’s in the details.” I can recall more than a few events where I’ve missed something or overlooked a ‘small’ detail that was big enough to potentially bring down the house. Now I love feedback from people – and The Universe – so I would take these lessons and learn from them; fold them into next time so I could regain my footing and resile.
Then came events like a wedding, buying a new home, having and raising children while continuing to grow in my career. Planning took over. Even though I’ve been tested time and time again, knowing full well you can’t plan everything, I sure do like to try.
Planning can somewhat help ease anxiety. Somewhat. But there comes a point when you’ve done all you can do, the ball’s in the other court and you need to just sit and wait in a place that feels so uncomfortable and vaguely familiar. And let go and let in something bigger than yourself to fill the space and take the reigns.
I’m talking about faith. That other F-word. Beautiful in most respects and annoying as fuck in others. That’s just the control-freak in me talking – maybe even the devil in all those details.
And so, I resign to letting faith take over this Valentine’s Day and carry me through like a bridge to wherever this path will lead. I’ll try to be kind to myself during this time: a bubble bath, a cup of tea, luxurious face lotion and maybe some moving music. I’ll choose to speak sweetly to myself – now that I’ve had this rant – as I wait. Focus on other things and other people who I can serve with sweetness and kindness this Valentine’s Day.
Maybe this blog was about self-love after all.
Valentine’s Day Challenge:
Is there an area of your life where you feel like you’re in a place of waiting? What are three things you could do today to love yourself through it?
Need some more inspiration? Check out my new book, She Has Risen, at Words Worth Books, The Bookshelf, KW Bookstore, WPL, Chapters Indigo in Kitchener, Waterloo or online, Coles in Stratford, Amazon and Barnes & Noble.